My Immortal
by GoingToCalifornia
Summary: B/N futurefic, mostly book based. Blair had a baby, but she didn't tell Nate and now she's back after 3yrs and they decided to try and be her Mommy and Daddy without getting involved with each other because B's too scared. COMPLETE. chap: 12/12. R&R!
1. The Kiss

_I'm so tired of being here  
__Suppressed by all my childish fears  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face, it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice, it chased away  
All the sanity in me  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me _

There she was and the seat next to her was empty, _empty! _He quickly skirted around Alex Bazien and sat down on her left. "Hey," he said as if nothing had changed as if he'd just come back from the bathroom, not as if he hadn't so much as seen her in three years. Blair's periwinkle blue eyes looked at him filled with sorrow, regret, longing, loving and secrets. They sat their eyes interlocked for moments and then she broke the silence.

"Hey," she breathed barely audibly breaking their eye contact and distractedly looking away.

They sat in silence the whole way through the meal, occasionally glancing at each other but never making eye contact anyone watching would have thought nothing had changed in three years and that it was still the same "perfect couple" sitting together. And then it was over and people began milling around gossiping and laughing with each other, Blair politely excused herself from the chatter and headed off towards the cloakroom, Nate who had been watching her all evening from a distance, followed desperate not to lose her again. He stopped in the doorway of the cloakroom. He watched her gather her Philip Lim 3.1 trench coat. She turned and let out a sharp intake of breath. She was unaware that anyone followed her into the gloom.

"What do you want Nate?" She asked wearily.

"I want to know why you left me three years ago, why you didn't call? Why you didn't say goodbye. Why you didn't even tell me where you went?"

"I went to Italy." There was an awkward silence as Blair buckled her coat around her tiny waist. "I knew Nate, I'm not stupid." Blair said tears threatening to come to her eyes as she looked up, but she was stronger than this and she wouldn't cry.

"Vanessa?" Nate asked. Blair nodded. He walked over to her and took her hands in his. "You need to believe me, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I want you to know that I've never stopped loving you."

"It hurt Nate all those promises about us finally being happily ever after and then…," Blair trailed off. He kissed her hands, she pulled away and he caught them again and without warning he pulled her close and pressed his lips against hers. She didn't protest, she opened her mouth and began exploring his as he savoured every moment of the deep passionate kiss. They both felt it. His hands began to roam up her back, caressing the flimsy Oscar de la Renta dress, exploring the creases and folds. She ran her hand around his collar as The Kiss slowed they both pulled away. She gazed into his eyes.

"It's still there," Nate said still holding onto her

"I need to go." She said the feeling of guilt rising within her once again, how could she forgive him when he didn't even know half of the reason she'd ran away? She hurried out of the room.

Nate turned and watched her leave. His heart panged sharply, why did she always do this? It was never just a straight answer with Blair but he presumed from the way she'd kissed him there was still a spark between them.

She hailed a cab on Lex and within moments she was in the Palace courtyard, crossing the foyer, and riding the lift up to her suite, her head was spinning. The Kiss, did it mean anything? It had felt so nice, she'd felt so safe and loved in Nate's arms, something she hadn't felt for a long time something which she'd half forgotten and wanted to feel again… with Nate.

The moment she opened the door she was greeted by wailing cries of her daughter who had evidently just woken up to find her Mommy had gone out and she had been left once again with the hotel babysitter. "Ah, Ms Waldorf!" The hotel babysitter came running from Annabelle's bedroom holding the wailing toddler in her arms, "she wants you," the babysitter said hurriedly passing the over-anxious toddler to Blair.

"Shh…" Blair soothed balancing Annabelle on her hip while she draped her coat over the nearest chair and lay her clutch on the night stand and the babysitter quickly made for the door, obviously mini-Waldorf's are just as demanding. The small girl buried her head in the crock of Blair's neck, her unruly mocha curls tickling Blair lightly.

"M-m-mommy!" she cried desperately clinging around Blair's neck. "Mommy went away," she cried as Blair wiped the little girl's tears.

"I'm sorry, I was bad," Blair said kissing her head and carrying her back through to her bed. Annabelle clung tightly to her neck making it impossible for Blair to get her back into bed.

"No," Annabelle whined, "Mommy's bed!" Blair sighed and resignedly tucked her up tight under the many layers of Palace bedcovers and kissed her forehead. "I love you Mommy," Annabelle called as Blair entered the bathroom. She stopped in the doorway.

"I love you too," and it was true, she did. I didn't matter how much Blair hadn't wanted her three years ago, the moment she was born Blair knew she'd done the right thing.


	2. Best Friends

"I don't like…" Annabelle looked uncertainly at the big polar bear she clutched Blair's hand tightly. It was quite a pleasantly cool day in comparison to the previous day which had been freezing cold. Blair, pushing the empty stroller, led Annabelle away from the grizzly white bears and headed in the vague direction of the sea lions. Annabelle babbled on making less sense than the Polar bear's growls had done whilst Blair once again sunk dreamily into her thoughts… about Nate, among other things. She needed to clear her head, there was the option of telling him, inevitably getting back together, playing at happy family, and he inevitably breaking her heart. But this time would be worse, it wouldn't just be her heart broken, it would be Annabelle's too and who was to say that when they did split up Annabelle wouldn't choose Nate over Blair? Annabelle tugged her hand as they approached the penguins. "Hu?" Blair looked down, "Oh penguins." Annabelle looked at her quizzically and then nodded and pulled her closer.

"I like penguins." Annabelle stated. "Can I have penguin?" She asked following the penguins with her eyes.

"I like penguins too," a familiar voice said. "Hey B," Serena hugged Blair tightly.

"Serena!" Blair squealed hugging her back. "I so didn't expect to see you, I thought you and Cabbage Patch were in California?"

"We thought we'd come back, you know for Thanksgiving," Serena explained. "Hey, you must be Annabelle," Serena smiled bending down to the two-year-olds height. She shrank away clinging to Blair's leg. Blair giggled and pulled her up onto her hip.

"Belle, this is Serena, she's Mommy's friend," Blair said nudging her so she couldn't curl up and hide her face in Blair's shoulder. Annabelle contemplated her predicament, being nice would make Mommy happy, but she didn't feel like being nice.

"Hi," she smiled shyly biting her bottom lip, her green eyes twinkling.

"Aww," Serena cooed over the little girl tucking one of her stray curls behind her ear. "Do you want to go for a walk, it's kinda chilly," Serena suggested shoving her hands in her pockets.

"Sure," Blair smiled. "I have so much to tell you!"

Twenty minutes later they found themselves walking down Fifth Avenue. Serena was holding Annabelle's hand. The little girl had taken a shine to the tall blonde.

"So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?" Serena asked.

"Uh… we're going home on Friday, so we were just going to stay at the hotel/"

"You can not celebrate thanksgiving in a hotel!" Serena declared.

"Hotel," Annabelle repeated sweetly giggling.

"Exactly," Serena said, "Thanksgiving is at my parents so you can come and you can leave early if you want or/"

"S, it's OK, we don't want to put anyone out," Blair said.

"You won't be! Come on B, it'll be like old times!" Serena persuaded, "You want to come to mine for Thanksgiving don't you Annabelle?" Serena said stroking her hair. Annabelle smiled sweetly and stretched her arms out to Blair, who submissively lifted her from Serena's side who took to pushing the empty stroller. "See, even Annabelle wants to come!" Serena smiled, "Pretty please?" She blinked her long dark brown eyelashes. Blair rolled her eyes and gave in. Serena squealed, "Ok, I'll call you but probably around one?"


	3. We Don't Need You

He combed his hair as he look at his reflection in the mirror, he sighed, wiping the excessive sleep out of his emerald green eyes. His tie hung loosely, he made a vague effort to tighten it, but he looked good, not that he'd admit he knew it. He smiled, another Thanksgiving, the third Thanksgiving he hadn't spent with Blair, what's to smile about?

Ten minutes later he was at the van der Woodsen's apartment opposite the met, his parents had been invited by Mr and Mrs van der Woodsen, and as had been custom these past three years, he had nobody to be with so he ended up with his parents. He rode the elevator up to the penthouse. This year shouldn't be so bad, Serena and Dan were in the city and, he presumed, also going to her parent's for Thanksgiving.

* * *

Annabelle pouted at her reflection. "I don't like."

"I know, but this one matches your dress," Blair explained positioning the white Luella headband on her daughter's dark waves and then running the Mason Pearson white handled brush smoothly through her hair. Blair glanced herself over, the dress was Versace and had a tight bodice and knee length skirt, her hair bounced down her back and her make-up was perfected. But still she felt awkward, she didn't much want to go to the van der Woodsen's for Thanksgiving, there were bound to be a million and one questions as to where she'd been all this time… etc.

It was snowing and this caused them to be late as Annabelle had to stop to inspect nearly every snow flake until she found one which she tried to store in her glove… and failed meaning they had to find another. Blair eventually gave up and pushed the stroller at about 30mph the rest of the way amidst whining protests. The doorman nodded to her, smiled and took the stroller, she smiled back and climbed into the elevator. "Mommy?"

"Yeah?"

"Is only Serena here?"

"No, there'll be lots of people," Blair said unfastening Annabelle's coat.

"Will Grandma be here?"

"No, she lives in California remember? We visited her last Christmas," Annabelle looked pensive but nodded. Come to think of it Blair thought, who would be there?

* * *

The elevator door opened and he was greeted by a sudden swish of pale golden hair and arms wrapped around his neck. "Hey!" He smiled goofily patting Serena's back.

"Oh my God, this is so exciting!" Serena squealed pulling away.

"Yeah, um… so how are you?" Nate asked awkwardly as she led him into the day room where several of their parent's friends were milling around. He spotted the Farkas' and the Bass', the Coates and the von Meisters as well as the van der Woodsens and his own parents who were deep in conversation with Misty Bass.

"I'd be better without all the geriatrics asking how California is," Serena joked quietly. Nate laughed he'd missed her. She'd left just before Blair and as much as he wanted to talk to her he knew it would end up with sex which, at the time was the worst possible thing as it was his promiscuous behaviour that had led to their split and Serena had been tied up with the coffee drinking nut that had gone to Riverside and had dated her way back in 2007. "Oh Nate, you remember Dan right?" Serena said as Dan came over with three glasses of orange juice.

"Dan Humphrey? You went to Riverside?" Nate asked. Although he was pretty sure… he had dated his kid sister after all.

"Yeah, you dated my sister when she was a Freshman," Dan said smirking. Nate nodded. God damn it this was awkward.

"O…K" said Serena trying to break the awkward silence. Dan composed himself and Nate blinked a few times.

"I'm just going to go mingle over there," Dan excused himself as Lillian van der Woodsen approached Serena.

"Excuse me Nate darling, Serena," her mother sashayed in, "was it one or two extra places?"

"Two, Blair and Annabelle," Serena said. A sudden thought process began in Nate's mind… Blair? As Lillian van der Woodsen walked away he turned to Serena.

"Blair?" He asked, "Waldorf?"

"Oh sorry!" Serena gasped, "It completely slipped my mind!" Lucky you, thought Nate, it hadn't slipped his mind that she'd walked out on him without even giving him the chance to explain. "Nate, I'm so sorry I just met her and then she said they were staying in the hotel for Thanksgiving and… I just invited them," she finished, aware of her own anti-climax. 'Them?' Nate thought, had Blair moved on? His heart panged again for the second time in the past four days, in the way only she could make it, was Blair Waldorf getting on with her life. "Nate?" Serena said.

"Hu? Oh sorry, just…"

"Come on," Serena grabbed his arm forcing him into the throng of upper class, upper age bracket guests.

* * *

The elevator dinged open, she took Annabelle's hand firmly, bracing herself for all the awkward questions. But not quite ready.

"Hello Ms Waldorf," Myrtle the van der Woodsen's maid greeted her taking both coats out of her arms. Myrtle smiled down at Annabelle who giggled playfully as the maid pulled a funny face. "They're in the day room," Myrtle added sweeping off with the coats towards the closet. Blair began down the hall her heels clacking on the red, gold and white parquet flooring, she felt ill. She'd been rehearsing all the small talk in her head last night, not that she wasn't skilled, but she was worried, she hadn't been in contact with anyone except Serena since she'd left and now… rather than feeling like she was entering a room of old friends it felt like a room of strangers. There were certainly plenty of strangers in the room, but a few old faces jumped out, the Archibalds were chatting with Misty Bass, Mr Coates was in deep conversation with the von Meisters, Dan was chatting happily with Serena's elder brother, and Serena… Blair scanned the room, she was chatting with Mr Farkas and her heart skipped a beat… Nate. She clutched Annabelle's hand tighter. Every meticulous part of her delicately balanced life came crashing down. He was here, why hadn't Serena said? She felt the butterflies fluttering in her stomach and as much as she wanted to kill them, she liked it. She liked the way he made her feel powerless.

"Blair!" Serena chirped rushing over and throwing her arms around her. "I began to think you weren't coming!" Serena laughed.

"We were trying to find the perfect snowflake weren't we?" Blair rolled her eyes as Annabelle nodded eagerly up at Serena who smiled down at the little girl in her white tutu dress and sky blue cutesy cardigan which was sliding off her shoulder.

Nate hadn't seen her arrive, but he couldn't miss Serena running over to her. He followed and then he stopped and stared. Clutching at her perfect lithe leg was a pretty little dark haired angel. Nate's stomach churned. A little girl, Blair's little girl. His heart sank, suddenly it felt like any chance of getting her back was gone. Someone else had stolen her heart and now… this.

Blair prised Annabelle off her leg, it was a habit of the little girl's whenever she got nervous, and the sheer number of people in the room had made her nervous. Then Blair looked up, and he caught her eye, she didn't smile, nor did he, an unspoken frost fell and their eyes stayed locked together, Nate desperately trying to read her mind and she desperately trying to explain everything. Serena saw as Blair stopped grappling with Annabelle's hands on her leg.

"I know someone who'll love to meet you," Serena said crouching down to Annabelle, who reluctantly let go of Blair and stretched up to be lifted by Serena who carried her away.

Blair blinked. Nate took a step towards her and paused. She didn't move. He went over to her and stopped. "Blair?" He said, his voice shook. He was scared, she looked at her feet.

"I'm so sorry Nate," she whispered. He nodded.

"The other night…" He began, "…why…"

"I-I," she stuttered. How could she explain everything? Tears suddenly sprang into her eyes, but once again she commanded control over them and refused to let them spill. Nate stretched out his arm but then let it fall limply. He wanted her. He wanted the past three years to have never happened, he wanted to pretend it was all a bad dream, maybe they would have woken up with their own little girl this morning and would be having their own family Thanksgiving.

"Mommy?" Annabelle called winding her way through several sets of legs after having lost sight of her Mommy, she desperately ran towards Blair, who lifted her to her hip.

"He's lucky," Nate said and left without another word. Blair blinked 'he's lucky' what's that supposed to mean?

* * *

Several hours later Serena caught sight of Nate sitting in the library she went and sat beside him on the chaise by the floor to ceiling windows with views over the met with Annabelle fast asleep in her arms. "You OK?" Serena said, "I'm really sorry I didn't mention Blair was coming," she apologized.

"Blair coming is different from Blair and her daughter coming. Serena, how could you have known and not told me?"

"I would have thought it was obvious," Serena defended.

"What? How am I supposed to guess that the girl I still think about everyday has moved on and has a little girl?" Nate snapped. Serena stroked Annabelle's soft hair and gave him a look.

"Nate what are you talking about? Are you meaning to say you didn't know about Belle?"

"Did I look like I knew? You let me walk right into it. Blair and I…" Nate faltered as Dan entered the room.

"Um… Serena some guy from Tattler wants to talk to you…" Dan said.

"Great," Serena sighed. "Hold her for a minute, I'll be right back," she said passing the sleeping toddler to Nate. Nate took her awkwardly, as much as he wanted to hate this part of Blair that was also part of her new lover, he couldn't. She was too innocent.

She stirred as Serena and Dan left the room. She rubbed her sleepy eyes and blinked at Nate with her shining green emerald eyes gazing into his shining green emerald eyes. She gripped his shoulder as she looked anxiously around the room. "No Mommy?"

"I used to be Mommy's good friend, I'm Nate," Annabelle blinked at him. This time her toddler instinct was telling her he was trustworthy and she fell against his chest clinging around his neck.

"Why did you make Mommy cry?" Nate blinked. For a little girl she noticed a lot.

"I didn't mean to, will you tell her I'm sorry?" Nate said talking to her in a cutesy way. Annabelle giggled and smiled at him coyly. And just because he couldn't help himself and Serena was taking more than a minute he had to ask, "Where's your Daddy today?" Annabelle's smile widened.

"My Daddy's a Prince, with green eyes, he lives in New York," Annabelle explained yawning, "but the evil witch put him in spell, and that why he doesn't come see me." Nate looked at the little girl who's eyes were getting heavy and had so matter of factly recited such a tall tale that she couldn't not be Blair's daughter. She snuggled up against his chest her head resting on his shoulder. He sat rocking her gently as she quietly fell back asleep. He stroked her soft mocha curls, which so resembled Blair's. He couldn't believe it… was he the Prince in Annabelle's fairytale? He knew he was, those little green eyes were all too familiar and she seemed about two years old. He'd never had a little girl fall against him like this, since Blair had when he was a kid and now it felt right, like she had been falling against him and drifting to sleep for the past two and half years.

Blair had been standing watching in the doorway, Nate didn't see her as he sat soothing Annabelle to sleep. She hugged herself as she saw him kiss her. She moved into the room.

"Hey," she whispered. Nate tried to smile, but he couldn't.

"Blair?" He fixed her eyes in his as he took her hand and guided her to the chaise where he sat with Annabelle. "Tell me… is she mine?" Blair fixed him with her piercing blue eyes as she sat down and nodded slowly biting her lip. Nate smiled, tears coming to his eyes.

"I'm so sorry Nate, I just…" She wriggled on the chaise grinding her hands into the soft cushions.

"Couldn't? or Wouldn't?" He asked.

"Couldn't. I tried so many times, you have no idea. She asked so many questions I just…"

"Told fairytales?" Nate suggested, Blair smiled.

"Yeah." She shifted awkwardly, "I'm so sorry."

"I-I want to be her Dad." Nate said, a strange feeling had come over him and he loved her.

"Nate-"

"Please Blair?" Suddenly all the insecurities, all the reasons she hadn't told him three years ago came bubbling to the surface of her mind. He was her Dad, but he broke Blair's heart time and time again, but she loved him. But… she couldn't take the heart ache.

"We're going home tomorrow," Blair concluded.

"This is your home, Please," Nate was pleading with her, "The Kiss, Blair, don't tell me you didn't feel it too."

"It doesn't matter what I felt, what matters is that you had your chance time and time again and time and time again you ruined it. You have no idea, you just expected me to take you back every time and I don't want to do it anymore," Blair said tears beginning to roll down her cheeks as her voice shook more and more. She took Annabelle from his arms and stalked out of the library.


	4. This Isn't For You

She was right, he knew she was always right. And that's why he was here, in the foyer of the Palace hotel at 5pm the next evening, he knew it was last minute but he wasn't going to loose them again, He'd taken the day off work stealing himself to do it. The concierge had refused to tell him which suite she was in so he'd waited. Adamant that he was going to stop them leaving. How? He wasn't quite sure. She seemed pretty sure she'd made her mind up that there was nothing between them, but he knew she knew there was and she was just scared. But she was right to be scared, he'd treated her badly and he knew it, but now… everything was different he hadn't been with anyone since she'd left because he realised she was all he wanted.

* * *

Meanwhile Blair neatly closed their suitcases and the porter took them down to the foyer whilst she tied the white ribbon from Tiffany's in a bow in Annabelle's hair. She knew she'd done the right thing, Nate wasn't the One. The Kiss had been the closure and now she had to move on whether it was possible or not it must be done. Annabelle ran to the door her Chloe scarf trailing on the ground. Blair picked up her Hermes hand luggage and made for the door and took Annabelle's hand as they climbed into the elevator and the little girl stretched up to press 'L'.

He'd been waiting a long time. He half thought they might have gone already. And then he saw them, Blair walking purposefully towards the check out desk, looking like she owned the place in her true religion jeans, Manolo's, and Gucci pea coat with Annabelle holding her hand tightly with a scarf trailing along the tiled floor. He watched as she handed over the room key and began signing the cheque, flashing her Black Am-ex card. He slowly stood up ready for when she began approaching the door when he was greeted by a tugging on his trouser leg. He looked down and saw the devilish smile and glittering green eyes adorned with a white ribbon.

"Hey," he smiled bending down to her. She giggled happily and wrapped her arms around his neck and swung her legs around his torso. He didn't know what to say so he just hugged her close, knowing this could be his last chance.

Across the lobby Blair looked down to her left and when she didn't find Annabelle, scanned the lobby anxiously and saw them… how could she do this? She saw a tear trickle from Nate's eye. She was suddenly aware of the person in the queue behind her shuffling their feet. She shot them a look and stalked off over the foyer stopping beside them, Nate looked up and saw her, he straightened up, Annabelle's legs and arms still wrapped around him. Blair didn't make a move as if to prise her away, she gently patted her daughter's hair and as she did Nate saw the small ruby ring on her right ring finger. She wiped Nate's eyes as he lowered Annabelle to the ground. "I won't do this to you Nate," she said. He didn't quite know what she meant but from the sad look in her eyes he guessed it wasn't what she wanted, it was what she thought was best. "I took her away once, I won't do it again, I promise." Blair said wiping the tears from her own eyes, Nate pulled her close and let her head fall against his chest.

"Thank you so much," he whispered, "I know I don't deserve this."

"You're right, but Belle does," Blair muttered.

"Mommy?" Annabelle asked, "Crying again? He told me he didn't mean to." Annabelle offered sweetly from Nate's side. Blair furious with herself wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and turned from Nate;

"Don't be silly, of course he didn't mean too," Blair smiled bending down to lift Annabelle onto her hip.

"Excuse me Ms. Waldorf, your car is waiting," the doorman interrupted.

"Change of plan." Blair said tonelessly. "We don't need a car."

"Do you mean it?" Nate asked as the doorman left.

"I watched my parents use me to get at each other, I don't want to get at you Nate, I just want Annabelle to be happy." Nate nodded. He wanted Annabelle to be happy too.

"Only if you're sure, I want you to be happy," Nate said rubbing her shoulder. Blair nodded.

"We should talk sometime…" Blair said, "decide how it's going to be…" Nate nodded, Blair wasn't ready yet, he should give her space.

"I can give you space until you're both ready," Nate said, "call me?" Blair wanted to scream at him that she'd had enough space the past three years but… she didn't so she just nodded and watched as he left, he turned as he reached the door and called "Bye-Bye Annabelle," she looked up from her usual position of clinging to Blair's leg and giggled, hiding her face in Blair's jeans.


	5. We Can Still Be Friends

It was a week later, Blair had spent it staying in Serena and Dan's apartment which they had in New York. They'd gone back to California on the Sunday and she'd been alone with Annabelle and their maid. Of course things hadn't been plain sailing, she'd had to call her mother and explain the relocation and that she'd need to run Waldorf Designs European outlets from the East coast. Her mother hadn't been best pleased but for once Blair didn't care what Eleanor thought, this was going to work. She'd also been meeting with estate agents daily trying to find somewhere to live. But there was nowhere she liked enough. She was put in their books as a difficult customer to keep an eye on as they could make a small fortune out of her. She'd also sold their apartment in Rome, and was arranging to have Annabelle's nanny move over, she'd dismissed the housekeeper as she didn't see the need for her when they were in plentiful supply with better English in New York. As productive as the week had been there was still one outstanding issue. It was 5pm the Friday after she promised to call when she dialled Nate's number.

"Hey?" Nate asked, "Blair, is that you?" He sounded hopeful.

"Hey Nate, it's me," she said.

"So… have you thought about how you want to play things?" Blair didn't respond. "Do you want to meet up?" Nate suggested logging off his computer and folding his spreadsheets away.

"We need to talk this through properly." Blair finished.

"Are you free tonight?" Blair couldn't help but let her heart melt at how over eager he was.

"Yeah, seven at the Plaza?"

"Sure," Nate grinned, he'd stopped himself from saying 'it's a date' although he wished it was.

It was five past seven when she walked in, the group of investment bankers at the bar turned their heads and watched in awe as she scanned the room for Nate and then walked purposefully towards him, the investment bankers looked on in envy as she sat down opposite him. Nate watched her cross the room in awe too, she looked amazing she had on a short lacy black dress with ¾ length sleeves with a white clutch and black and white Manolo's. As she sat down he felt his heart skip a beat. "Hey," he smiled, he knew he was staring but he couldn't help it. The waiter, who had almost completely ignored Nate after asking if he wanted a drink when he arrived, rushed to their table and took their drink order, he left disappointed as Blair hardly even looked at him.

"So how's it been being back?"

"Good," Blair sipped her martini, "I've been staying at Serena's." Nate nodded. He wasn't sure what to say.

"How are your parents?" Blair asked, she had missed them, she liked them more than her own parents most of the time.

"They're good, they moved to South Hampton full time… they miss you," Nate smiled, "I haven't told them about Annabelle yet." Blair bit her lip, she knew they'd hate her for not telling them. She nodded. The small talk was making her nervous which is never a good thing with alcohol and an empty stomach. "So… um… I was wondering if there was any chance I could maybe see her sometimes?"

"Of course," Blair nodded. "I want you to. But Nate, we need to tell her you're her Dad." Nate's stomach did a flip, he was so happy Blair wanted him to be Annabelle's Dad, her real Dad as in… being the green eyed Prince in the fairytale?

"Thank you so much Blair," he took her hand and squeezed it in his.

"Don't fuck it up ok?"

"Promise." Blair stopped herself from making a bitchy comment about his promises knowing she'd ruin everything and smiled instead believing the promise just liked she'd promised herself she never would again.

It was decided that tomorrow Blair and Annabelle would meet Nate and they'd explain to Annabelle, but it was agreed Blair would have full custody for now. Nate would see her at weekends. One week he'd pick her up at 4pm on Friday and Blair would come to collect her at 4pm on Sunday and then the next week he'd pick her up at 4pm on Friday and Blair would collect her at 4pm on Saturday. And of course they were each others first stops for a babysitter. They sat and chatted for a while, mainly about Annabelle, Italy, his parents, her parents, Serena, Dan, work, more about Annabelle, the holiday season, more about Annabelle and more about work. Nate felt happier than he had in a long time, the conversation had started awkwardly but now Blair was bitching madly about how her Mom had been driving her insane about being back in New York, but she reassured him she was staying, even if her Mom did drop the "B" label from her collections. He laughed at the slandering of her mother, he liked Mrs Waldorf she was like Blair, her bark was worse than her bite, although she was a bit wacky at times, but Blair's view was hilarious. Blair was happier than she could remember, of course she was happy with Annabelle, but this was a different kind of happy, she didn't feel like she was being depended on, she felt like she had someone to depend on.

Time ticked on, it was getting late. "I should get going," Blair said glancing at her white gold Cartier wristwatch. It was eleven thirty. The investment bankers had watched her all evening hoping to see a huge bust up between her and Nate, but hadn't. She stood up to leave and so did Nate, he wrapped his arm over her shoulder in a friendly way, the investment bankers watched enviously as they sashayed from the bar out into the cold New York winter night. Blair shivered and leaned into Nate who held her tighter against him. "Oh God, I think I'm drunk," Blair said clutching her head. Nate laughed. She'd had three martinis.

"You're such a lightweight."

He hailed her a cab and opened the door and gave the driver Serena's address.

"We should do this again Archibald," Blair smiled climbing in.

He waved as he watched the cab head east on 59th, they could have been doing this the past three years, he thought, followed by sex.

Annabelle was fast asleep when she poked her head around the door, she had her toy penguin's flipper in her mouth and was breathing slowly. Blair smiled, as she bent and kissed her forehead and whisperer, "I love you." and pulled the comforter snugly around her little shoulders.


	6. Defensive

The next day Annabelle sat dolefully in her stroller, wrapped up against the cool New York air. Nate watched as Blair pushed the pink stroller. Anyone watching would have thought it was just any other happy family. Nate felt nice walking knowing that other people were seeing the outside of something which looked beautiful but was actually broken.

"Did you get home OK?" Blair asked forcing small talk.

"Yeah… I… yeah," Nate mumbled. "Do you want to go to Starbucks or something?" He offered, he was freezing.

He'd failed to wrap up as warmly as Blair or Annabelle so that when they arrived and ordered their coffee he didn't remove any layers as he watched Blair unzip, unbutton and wrench off several layers of clothing from herself and Annabelle. Blair then went to collect their coffee and he was left alone with Annabelle, get used to it he thought. But it wasn't as awkward as he'd expected, she babbled away quite happily to him as he placed her in one of the highchairs, he barely got a word in, she was just like Blair. "Do you have crayon?" She asked pulling the heap of napkins on the table towards her.

"Um… no… does Mommy?" Nate said as she looked up at him expectantly. She shrugged her glittering green eyes blinking innocently. He smiled. Just then Blair arrived back holding two coffee cups, she handed one to Nate and put her own down.

"Crayon?" Annabelle blinked at Blair from her highchair.

"Yeah, um… Blair dived into the Prada tote which was being stored in the strollers basket and emerged with a set of six wax crayons. Annabelle took them happily and began colouring wildly on the napkins. Nate and Blair sat in silence listening to their daughter's nonsense ramblings nodding every now and then and agreeing with whatever she was saying. She finally accomplished her goal and handed Nate a napkin covered in red wax crayon.

"Is for Nate," she smiled at her Mommy. Blair smiled back. She didn't know if Annabelle would grasp the difference between 'Nate' and 'Daddy' but it was worth a try. Nate took the piece of napkin and thanked her very much.

"Annabelle," Blair said, Annabelle turned. She was usually in trouble when she heard her whole name, "Remember we said to call Nate Nate?" Annabelle nodded. Blair looked at Nate expectantly.

"Oh- um…" Annabelle looked at him expectantly as he searched for his words, Blair cut in after several agonising moments.

"Well you see Nate's your Daddy, so you can call him Daddy, OK?" Blair said. She couldn't much be bothered with anything more complicated. Annabelle screwed her pixie like features up.

"Daddy." She said. "Like Daddy from the story?" Nate nodded. Blair nodded too.

"And maybe sometimes you might come stay at my apartment," Nate said hopefully.

"Why?" Annabelle asked looking up at Nate. Blair blinked.

"Because I love you lots," Nate replied. Annabelle giggled.

"I love you too," she grinned.

* * *

Two weeks later, Annabelle was used to the strange city where it was freezing cold and she was used to the new system of seeing Nate at the weekends and things were still amiable between her parents'. Blair was re-establishing the original Waldorf Designs studio in Chelsea and spent long days and nights working in communication with Europe, she was still living in Dan and Serena's apartment due to lack of suitable apartments. Mr and Mrs Archibald had been a little taken aback at first when they heard news of their granddaughter but once they met her their hearts melted, and oddly enough, just like their son, they didn't blame Blair, they knew Nate didn't deserve to have been forgiven all the times Blair had forgiven him.

Nate looked forward to his weekends with his daughter, this weekend he was only going to see her until Saturday night, but he'd planned everything, the previous weekend he'd realised what was actually involved in having a child live with you. He hadn't realised they had tendencies to fall out of normal beds, or that they drew on walls unless specifically instructed not to, or that they needed vast amounts of toys to keep them occupied, or that they would wet the bed and climb into their parent's bed without getting changed. Since last Sunday when Blair had come to pick her up he'd spent his time making his Lexington, at 77th and 78th, apartment toddler friendly. It now looked like a toddler had moved in, there were rows and rows of stuffed animals, several Dora the Explorer play sets, numerous colouring and picture books. Not to mention all the toddler proofing his maid, Luisa had carried out on his apartment, there was a funny gadget on the hot water taps, what looked like foam on the side of the coffee table and she'd sprayed the walls with a special spray that apparently made it possible to just wipe wax crayon off, he was waiting for it all to be put to the test.

As the elevator doors opened at exactly three minutes past four he was greeted with Annabelle sitting expectantly cross legged in front of the elevator holding a timer. She held it up.

"Late." She pronounced as Blair suddenly emerged and laughed.

"She's been sitting there since two thirty."

"Oh," Nate said taken aback, "Well I'm sorry, but I'm here now." Annabelle smiled and got to her feet. Blair passed Nate her overnight bag.

"Her stroller's with the doorman and I'll call you soon to discuss c-h-r-i-s-t-m-a-s," Blair spelt out as she bent down to kiss Annabelle. Evidently the actual word was all too exciting. He smiled. Christmas was next Thursday he'd resigned himself to the fact that he'd see her on the following day, and he was quite happy but being with Annabelle amidst all the fun of Christmas sounded like the best way to spend it. "Be good, and drive Daddy absolutely insane," Blair said buttoning up her daughter's pink Juicy Couture rain coat.

"I love you," Annabelle called as Blair stood up and she took Nate's hand and turned to the elevator. Blair waved as they disappeared into the elevator. I love you two, she thought.

Nate pushed her stroller the nine slush covered blocks to his apartment, she chatted happily the whole way telling him about how Santa was coming soon and how she wanted a pony but Mommy said people that live in New York can't have ponies. Nate smiled, as she babbled on, he really did love her, he'd get her a pony, he'd get her anything if it would make her happy but he knew that Blair had obviously put her foot down and from all the parenting books his secretary had lent him he knew it was important to put up a united front when one parent says no and they did kind of live in the city so it wouldn't really work.

* * *

Sunday morning dawned crisp and cool. Nate sat with his laptop open figuring over a spreadsheet when he heard his apartment door. It was Blair, her father and Annabelle. Harold smiled at Nate, "Nathaniel," he beamed, "We were wondering if you'd like to join us to go skating," he grinned. Annabelle who was clutching Blair's hand let go and pulled down on her Daddy's. He looked at Blair she looked awkward. But Annabelle smiled up at him, if only the toddler realised how complicated her family was. Harold too was smiling at him in total denial that his daughter and Nate were no longer a couple.

"Um…" he said looking at Blair who nodded subtly at him, "yeah, sure I'd love to come, just let me get my coat."

Central Park was full of families heading towards the ice rink, Nate and Harold each held Annabelle's hands while Blair walked slightly separate wildly e-mailing on her blackberry. Nate kept glancing at her, he couldn't tell if she was actually busy or just trying to distract herself. Annabelle was talking very fast and excitedly, Harold was obviously smitten with the little girl and chatted along with her as if he actually understood what she was saying, the little girl revelled in the attention. Although it was obvious she was a bit put out that Mommy wasn't giving her her undivided attention, but she was getting used to it, she'd realised New York had made Mommy busier and she'd been left with her nanny more, but she had Daddy and Grandpa now. Grandpa had arrived yesterday and had come with Mommy to pick her up from Daddy's. Grandpa had been the only permanent fixture in her life other than Mommy.

At the rink Annabelle clung to Blair, she'd never been skating before and Blair was easily much more effortless than either Nate or Harold. Nate watched as Blair holding her tightly around the middle showed Annabelle how to push out and glide forward, cutting the ice in clear sweeps. Blair pushed her back, gently straightening the small girl's posture. Harold chatted politely with Nate, asking pointed questions about Annabelle and his relationship with Blair. Nate tried to be polite but it was hard work, Mr Waldorf always made him feel awkward, he was Blair's dad. And then suddenly all legs and arms Blair and Annabelle went tumbling, looking rather like Bambi on ice as one of Annabelle's skates caught in Blair's. Nate skated over as Blair got to her knees and lifted Annabelle, who was crying, to her feet. "Are you OK?" Nate asked. Blair nodded, wiping the ice spray from Annabelle, trying to reassure her that it wasn't that bad.

"I want Daddy," she cried. Blair froze. Annabelle had never ever cried for anyone except her. Just as she pulled away from the toddler her blackberry buzzed, giving her the perfect excuse.

"Look after her," Blair instructed without looking at either of them and skated away pulling her blackberry out of her pocket. Nate looked down at the little girl and took both her hands steadily, as he watched Blair stop at the side of the ice and resume her wild e-mailing, Annabelle clung desperately to him.

* * *

An hour later Blair and Nate sat together on the park bench. Blair watched as her Father submissively pushed Annabelle on the swing set. Nate couldn't take his eyes off Blair. Blair was aware of the fact she had his undivided attention but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. Her blackberry buzzed again, she glanced at it and returned it to her pocket. "Who's e-mailing you so much?" Nate asked.

"It's just work," Blair said dismissively.

"Is your mom still mad that you moved back?"

"Probably, but it's for the best right?" Blair said turning to Nate, Nate caught her gaze for a painfully long moment "She loves you," Blair stated tearing her eyes from him and letting them rest on Annabelle.

"She loves you more," Nate reassured her, squeezing Blair's shoulder as he draped his arm over her. To his surprise she didn't pull away but allowed him to pull her close and let herself fall into him.

"I was thinking, do you want to see her on Thursday?" Blair asked watching as Harold spotted his granddaughter down the slide in anticipation she was about to fall.

"I'd love to, but I don't want to muck your day up," Nate said loving the way that a passer by smiled at them sitting cuddled together on the bench.

"I think Annabelle would want to see you. I thought I could drop her off about one?"

"Thank you so much Blair," Nate squeezed her shoulder. "I can get my parents' to come to mine."

Blair smiled as her head lulled against his shoulder and he ran his finger's through her hair and for a short moment everything felt like it had three years ago and then Annabelle came running over, closely followed by Harold, Blair and Nate jumped apart remembering the heart break and all the reasons they couldn't do this, they were friends. Friends Nate thought to himself, he must not get carried away. She didn't love him anymore, he had to remember that. But as Annabelle ran into her arms and buried her sleepy head in Blair's coat, he couldn't help but wish all three of them could go home together.

**A/N: I will love everyone forever if they review! You may have seen that I did a bit of housekeeping to fix my chapters there hasn't been any plot revisions btw! Just some things I didn't like gone and a bit put in.**


	7. Christmas Past

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long, but I wanted to make it Christmas-y! Here you go, and by the way I've written quite far ahead so I think I'll be able to update a lot once I've checked everything over a few hundred times. PLEASE REVIEW, it make sme work faster and procrastinate less!**

Blair fought her way through the crowds engulfing FAO Schwartz on Christmas Eve. She struggled up the elevator carrying the various design samples and sketches in folders under her arm. She navigated carefully around a group of Southerners who were obviously in New York for Christmas, she gave them a death glare, just because they were tourists. Eventually she made it over to the dolls and efficiently found what she was looking for, a doll sized crib which was easily assembled so as she could have it prepared for the next morning. As she lifted the flat packed box everything in her arms went tumbling to the ground. Blair cursed under her breath, earning herself a reproachful look from a woman out shopping with an eight-year-old. "Here you go," a voice said to Blair's right. She turned and there was Nate smiling at her, holding her folders in one arm and a pink, red and violet fairy dress in the other.

"Oh, hey, thanks," She took them from him.

"Do you need a hand?" He asked lifting the flat packed crib under one arm easily. Blair smiled, it didn't appear that she had that much choice. He began to head off towards the cashier and Bair followed beside him. "So last minute shopping?" He asked, Blair nodded.

"I kept forgetting about the crib," she added lamely. Nate nodded. "How about you?"

"Oh um…" Nate faltered looking at the dress in his arm, "it's a dress up thing." He looked slightly confused. Blair smiled placidly at him. "And I've got some of the Dora the Explorer stuff, but I- um, I'm not very good at this." Nate said as they joined the line. Blair nodded.

"Have you been to the Disney Store?" Nate shook his head. "Try it, she loves Belle from Beauty and the Beast?" Nate nodded making a mental note as Blair stepped towards the till point. Beauty and the Beast. The woman smiled as Nate lifted the crib and dress onto the desk and rang both of them through.

"Uh, we're paying separately," Blair said as she realised what was happening. Nate quickly lifted the dress from the desk and held it, letting Blair go first.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the woman smiled, "I thought you were shopping together." Nate smiled at her. He wished they were. Blair, meanwhile, was glowering at her.

Blair somehow then found herself accompanying Nate through the crowds of shoppers on Fifth Avenue towards the Disney Store a few blocks down. She wasn't quite sure what was happening but they seemed to be out shopping together. He held the door open for her when they reached the three years olds dream of tack, glitter and tea sets. Nate followed her inside and stopped himself tripping over a group of ten-year-olds clustered around the High School Musical junk and followed Blair towards what looked like a fairytale palace at the back of the store. This looked more likely; there was pink, glitter and lots of other clueless dads wandering around with empty baskets. Blair efficiently pointed out what Annabelle didn't have and Nate followed, shoving stuff into a basket. Glitter markers, jewellery box, plastic shoes, wand and tiara, tea set, a Belle doll - almost the same size as the real Belle- and several notepads and play sets. Blair nodded approvingly at his basket when they were done and he smiled goofily thanking her.

Subconsciously he took her hand as they left the store and began walking uptown. She turned to look at him, but he didn't notice, she smiled to herself, averting her eyes before he realised that she had realised. He detoured slightly to walk her home, and she helped carry the various bags of toys. She smiled when they got back to Dan and Serena's and rode the elevator together to the penthouse apartment. Nate was going to help assemble the crib once Annabelle was asleep. They hadn't spoken much since they'd left the Disney Store, it was Nate who broke the silence. "I had a really good time on Sunday."

"Me too," Blair smiled.

"Belle!" Blair called when the elevator door opened, "look who has come to see you!" Blair quickly shoved all the bags they were both carrying into the coat closet as Belle came running through barefoot, in pyjamas with ribbons seemingly flying wildly from her brown curls. She paused, registered Nate and hurtled herself at this legs.

"Hey!" He smiled bending down and sweeping her up and tickling her. Blair smiled closing the coat closet door.

"Look," Annabelle smiled proudly indicating the ribbons in her hair. Nate smiled and pretended to marvel at them. Blair had to give it to him, he could amuse her pretty well. Blair would probably have laughed and pulled the ribbons out, but Nate seemed to convince everyone he knew exactly why there were ribbons in her hair, and yes it was something special thank you very much. "Santa is coming to bring me presents," Annabelle told him proudly. Nate nodded as followed, carrying Belle, as Blair led them through to the sitting room of Serena and Dan's apartment.

"Santa only comes to little girls who go to bed," Blair added and Annabelle nodded vigorously. Nate smiled and Blair arched her eyebrows.

Harold was decorating the Christmas tree. Annabelle wriggled down from Nate's arms and went back to her position on the floor, surrounded by ribbons which she methodically entangled in her hair.

"Ah Nathaniel! An extra hand is always welcome!" Harold beamed gesturing his daughter and Nate towards the tree to help decorate. "Does one of you want to untangle the lights? I was doing it and your daughter was decorating the tree, but then she found a more effective use of her time," Harold chuckled, Nate smiled.

"Sure I'll do it," he said pulling the box of fairy lights towards himself and sitting on the ground next to Annabelle.

Several hours later, Nate's golden hair was sufficiently decked with ribbon, as were Blair's long mocha locks. Harold had escaped with a few trailing from his shoes and Annabelle looked like some sort of piñata streaming with color. Nate had just finished wrapping the lights around the tree and Annabelle was clinging, fast asleep, to Blair as she finished adjusting the bows and miniature stockings.

Blair put Belle to bed whilst Nate and Harold made coffee in the kitchen. Harold again began quizzing Nate. Did he have a girlfriend? Would he introduce her to Annabelle? Would he tell Blair first? What about he and Blair? How were things? Nate stuttered his way through the seemingly friendly questions, but became a little tongue-tied. Blair arrived to relieve the friendly catch-up telling them Annabelle was asleep. They then set to work wrapping, unpacking and assembling.

Harold excuse himself once everything but the crib was ready. "One more would just be trouble," he smiled leaving Blair and Nate to it. Blair pulled out the instructions as Nate lay the pieces on the floor. Soon they got to work organizing everything and began to build it.

"So what are you doing tomorrow?" Nate asked.

"Uh, well Annabelle in the morning and hen bringing her over, and then probably just hanging out," Blair replied fixing holding two pieces together whilst Nate glued them.

"You know, you can stay at mine and we can all hang out together," Nate said without looking up. Blair looked at the top of his bent head a small smile on her face but she didn't say anything. "I mean it is Christmas, and I think we can drop it all for a few hours," Nate said rationally, "for Annabelle of course."

"Of course," Blair agreed. "Maybe I will hang around." Nate smiled to himself and then looked up to meet her eyes.

"Sounds Great." He smiled in complete awe of how beautiful she looked right now, sleepy, yet not tired. Blair nodded in agreement. "So what did you guys do the past two Christmases?"

"Uh, spent them in my Dad's châteaux, I didn't really know that many people in Europe, so Christmas was just family." Nate nodded.

"Yeah, uh I just hung out with my parents." Blair nodded in understanding.

"Do you remember our last Christmas?" Blair asked reminiscently.

"Yeah, we 'missed the flight to California'," Nate air quoted. Blair smirked. "Although we most definitely had a better time at home."

"You-" Blair was about to say but she stopped. Nate looked at her.

"I?"

"Never mind." Blair said hastily, not wanting to bring up the subject, it probably wasn't the best idea. They sat in silence building the crib together for a while longer.

"I booked St. Patrick's," Nate said quietly. Blair nodded but neither looked at the other. "There." Nate said smiling at he screwed in the final bolt. Blair smiled, but didn't say anything.

"Do you ever wonder-" she began again, but Nate cut her off.

"All the time." He said getting to his feet and turning to go as he picked up all the wrapped presents leaving Blair sitting on the floor.

"Thanks for all the help," she said quietly as he left.

"You're welcome, see you tomorrow?" He asked stopping in the doorway. Blair nodded as she tied a ribbon around the crib and moved it to under the tree.

**A/N: Please, please review; even if it totally sucked! I'll love you forever in a metaphorical platonic sense!**


	8. Just Hold Me

**A/N: Songs are _Out of My League _and _Just Hold Me_. I hope you enjoy this; a little Christmas fluff.**

Annabelle woke early on Christmas morning and ran through to find Blair fast asleep in her bed. "Mommy!" She whined toddling over to her bed and shaking Blair's hand. Blair screwed up her eyes confusedly, it was dark, very dark, there was no sun peeping around the curtains, but Annabelle was pulling her hand. She rubbed her eyes and pulled Belle up onto the bed beside her.

"Princesses need beauty sleep," Blair said cuddling Annabelle close.

"I'm already beautiful, granddad said so."

"I wasn't talking about you," Blair mumbled sleepily so as Annabelle couldn't hear.

"Is Santa been?" Belle's cutesy, wide awake voice chirped in Blair's ear like a megaphone.

"Go and see if Granddad's awake," Blair yawned. Immediately Annabelle crawled away and Blair buried her head in the pillows, praying for five more minutes, but she was unsuccessful when she heard the sickening sound of her father's over enthusiastic voice calling her. Blair sighed and reluctantly joined them to go through to the sitting room.

Belle ripped her way through the treasure trove of presents whilst Blair drank some coffee to awaken herself. With the caffeine in her system Blair felt much more ready to join in and began opening the presents Harold and Belle had got her. She smiled and thanked her father, then tickled Belle crazily, making her squeal in delight and kissed her cheek lightly. Harold was smiling; watching Blair and Annabelle in the frivolity of Christmas when the phone rang. It was Nate calling to ask when they'd be over. Harold politely excused himself, muttering something about a 'friend' staying at the Plaza, but assuring him Blair and Annabelle would be over by ten.

* * *

Mrs Archibald answered the door when Blair and Belle arrived at Nate's apartment. "Blair!" Mrs Archibald cried in delight hugging Blair close, before turning to Annabelle and kissing the little girl's nose as she lifted her to her hip. "Come through," Anne said taking Blair's hand and leading her through. Nate smiled as he saw Blair, but his attention was distracted as Annabelle hurtled herself at his arms. Blair felt awkward, this apartment had been the apartment she and Nate had moved into the year after they'd finished Yale. It felt strange being back; so little had changed. Anne and Howard smiled as Nate led Belle over to the presents waiting for her, it felt a bit strange to Blair; she, Nate, Annabelle, Howie and Anne all together, somehow it was as if she wasn't supposed to be there.

After dinner Mr and Mrs Archibald excused themselves to go to the Coates' usual Christmas Evening soiree. Nate, Blair and Annabelle were left alone in the apartment. Annabelle sat with Blair on the chaise with her new Leap Pad and began clicking the words and reciting them back. Nate, who was sitting on the other end of the chaise, also pretended to be enthralled by this, but the whole time his eyes were on Blair, she looked pretty. He shuffled closer to Blair and Annabelle on the pretence of getting to look at the pictures in the book. Blair's arm was wrapped around her daughter and Nate too wrapped his arm over her shoulders as she repeated the automated voice of the Leap Pad. Blair smiled at him and he smiled back, letting his arm leave Belle's shoulders and find its way to resting on her arm. Blair smiled as she felt his arm on hers, but she didn't turn to look at him, she felt scared that registering it would break the spell. Ergo she did nothing and just let whatever was happening between them be. It felt familiar with Nate and Annabelle, the two people in the world she knew the most about. It had been the best Christmas Blair could ever remember.

Annabelle had demanded that she and Blair should stay until Mr and Mrs Archibald returned from the Coates', but by the time they arrived she was huddled against Blair, chewing at her mommy's necklace her eyes heavy and the sparkle gone. Blair in turn was huddled against Nate as all three of them were watching Breakfast at Tiffany's on the movie channel. Anne smiled as she entered the room; Blair and Nate quickly jumped apart, they didn't seem to have quite realized how close they had been. "Someone looks sleepy," Mrs Archibald declared looking at Annabelle's little exhausted form. Nate smiled, stroking her hair. Annabelle didn't move, she just looked up at Blair with her shining green eyes.

"Shall we go home?" Blair asked and Annabelle nodded sleepily.

"I'll walk you back," Nate offered. Blair smiled and nodded as she got to her feet. Anne smiled and she and Howie said goodbye to Blair and Annabelle as Nate followed them into the elevator.

By the time they'd walked two blocks Annabelle was fast asleep. They had no stroller because Annabelle had insisted on walking over.

* * *

"I'll take her if you want." Nate offered lifting Annabelle with ease from Blair. He carried her the rest of the way back to Dan and Serena's apartment, which they'd lent to Blair as they were staying in California.

Once inside the front door Nate passed Annabelle back. "Thanks," Blair smiled. "Do you want to come up and have tea?" She offered.

"Sure," Nate grinned. He followed her up and watched as she tucked Annabelle up in the little girl's make-shift bedroom. Then they re-treated to the sitting room, which was strewn with toys. They sat at opposite ends of the sofa drinking tea, "Could you believe my Mom going on about Yale and my Dad going on about Columbia," Nate said smiling as he sipped the tea. Blair laughed.

"Oh my God! If I ever get like our parents, tell me won't you?"

"Yeah, if you tell me," Nate joked, she was gazing into his emerald green eyes, he gazed back, he was drowning in the periwinkle blue. Blair broke their eye contact as she lifted her cup and sipped and then replaced it. Nate watched the way her fingers, with her soft nude polish, wrapped around the handle and her ruby ring glimmered poisonously as her lips parted and she brought the cup to them. Who knew drinking tea could be so sexy? Nate restrained himself… but she… she was just so… Blair.

"You know I'm sorry don't you?" Nate asked. Blair nodded. "I never meant-" Blair cut him off.

"Nate, please don't ruin today, it's been… nice," she finished her eyes having glazed over.

"I know but I want you to know that-" Blair cut him off again, but this time she crashed her lips into his and just like before he felt it. He roamed her mouth taking it in, caressing her lips, his hands running down her perfect body. Her arm wrapped around his neck as she ferociously explored his mouth her other hand tracing lightly up his back. She felt him brush over the zipper of her dress, but he left it, he knew it was on her terms. She guided his hand to the top of the zip. The dress slid away. Nate remembered their first time, well it hadn't been sex, but it had been their first night together, alone in her room, she'd had a dress on, he remembered how she looked even better in her underwear which was the sort that made girls look more naked. Nate's lips slid down to her neck, he trailed kisses down as they stood up and she led him away from her dress and he stopped by the wall ravishing her neck as she slid her hands up his jumper and began undoing the shirt buttons underneath.. "Are you sure?" He asked. Blair nodded innocently as he went back to her lips, it was just like it used to be, it was hard to keep his lips off her, they just felt so wasted.

He led her, kissing her lips furiously with each step towards the bedroom. Blair paused. He paused, maybe she didn't want to, he knew it must feel weird, but she knew she loved him and as their kisses slowed and he ran his hands through her hair she told him so.

"I love you too," Nate whispered seriously.

She lay in his arms, her still-tan from the Italian summer body radiating heat to his body. He watched her sleep, her eyelids fluttering, her chest rising and falling as her chocolate curls tickled his chest. Her little hand was still gripping his shoulder, where the pinpricks of blood had formed. As her head rested on his chest he ran his fingers through the perfect shiny hair. It felt so right to be lying there with Blair. He knew when she woke up she'd want to pretend it had never happened, but he was clinging to what she'd told him last night… that she loved him. Because he'd never stopped loving her. He breathed in the smell of them on Blair's skin and nuzzled into her head as he too began to drop off.

_It's her hair and her eyes today  
that just simply take me away  
and the feeling that I'm falling further in love  
makes me shiver but in a good way  
all the times I have sat and staredas she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair  
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say  
__Cause I love her with all that I am  
and my voice shakes along with my hands  
cause she's all that I see and she's all that I need  
and I'm out of my league once again_

When he awoke Blair was still in the same position but her fluttering eyelids were now open. Her periwinkle blue eyes glazed over in a trance like state. He remembered last night and how he'd felt just being with Blair. He took the chance and kissed the top of her head. She smiled up at him. "Morning," Nate smiled smoothing her hair off her face. She bit her lip. He knew it, it was all too good to be true.

"Nate?" Blair asked.

"Yes?" He said feeling his arms around Blair tense protectively. But she didn't say anything else she just let him hold her close. He kissed her head again. "I love you Blair Waldorf." She didn't reply. She looked up at him.

"You need to go."

"But Blair last night?"

"Last night," Blair began and stopped. "We can't be anything. We'd only confuse Belle." Nate nodded it was true. If they became a real family Belle would get used to it and then they'd go back to their old ways of fighting and cheating and they'd have to put her through the break up too.

He kissed her one more time on the lips, innocently but let his lips linger.

She watched him go. Why hadn't he fought for her? Was she really that meaningless? Why couldn't he tell that all she wanted was for him to hold her and mean all the promises he'd made and broken before?

_I wish it didn't matter  
I wish I didn't give you all  
But if I wanted silence  
I would whisper  
And if I wanted loneliness  
I'd choose to go  
And if I liked rejection  
I'd audition  
And if I didn't love you  
You would know  
And why can't you just hold me?  
And how come it is so hard?  
And do you like to see me broken?  
And why do I still care?  
Poor little misunderstood baby  
No one likes a sad face  
But I can't remember life without him _

* * *

Nate got home and sat with his head in his hands. He didn't know what he'd just done. He had quite possibly just tore away the last shred of what there was between them. He felt like a balloon that had been blown up and deflated just as quickly. He picked up the phone and dialled the only logical number.

"Hey?" Serena's voice asked groggily, it was 6am eastern time which made it the middle of the night in California.

"Um… Sorry, S, I just wanted to talk," Nate said, he hadn't thought. Well he had, he'd thought Blair really did mean it when she said she loved him.

"At 3am?"

"Shall I call back later?"

"No, I'm awake now, what's up?" Serena asked, Nate heard her climb out of bed.

"I- Me and Blair - we- we, oh shit, Serena, we had sex," Nate stuttered out the sentence. Serena didn't say anything. "Serena?" Nate asked, worried she'd maybe dropped the phone and crawled back into bed.

"You and Blair?" Serena murmured. "back together?"

"We're not back together, I think - I asked if she was sure, and… she… she said she loved me and then…"

"Do you love her?"

"Yes, I told her I did and then we… and then this morning she told me to leave." Nate stated the end as matter of factly as possible, it hurt him to remember the look in her eyes, "she was nearly crying."

"Maybe it was too fast?" Serena suggested. "You know what Blair's like, it needs to be on her terms."

"It was on her terms." Nate said frustratedly.

"Just call her Nate, I can't read her mind." Serena whined at him. Nate heard her crawl back into bed.

"Bye," he said resignedly. He was _not _calling Blair.

"Night, night." Serena clicked off, Nate sank back onto the chaise. What a lot of help she was. He flopped back on the chaise, it smelt blissfully of Blair from the previous day.

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**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW!!! I know it's kinda Christmas and everyone is busy but so many people have subscribed to alerts that I'd really like some reviews for it. And a huge thanks to all the people that do review heaps! I love you and appreciate it!**


	9. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews, favourites and alerts please keep reviewing. XD I hope you like this chapter, it's a bit fluffy.**

Nate had received a moving home card from Blair not long after Christmas and he slowly wandered towards 56 East 80th between Park and Madison. Nate stopped outside 52, he suddenly realised what 56 was. 56 was the red-brick ivy covered townhouse just of Madison he and Blair had fantasised about living in together since Blair picked it out when they were fifteen. It felt weird knowing Blair was living in that house, of all the real estate in Manhattan. She'd chosen the one that still made his stomach squirm when he walked by. He stood at the bottom of the steps looking at the large wooden front door, the slush seeping into his Italian shoes. Then he saw a small dark haired little girl sitting on the window seat of the first landing above the door. She waved crazily down at him and in a swish of perfect curls she was gone. He still didn't climb the steps and then the door swung open, Annabelle stood smiling at him; she already had her coat and Dora the Explorer backpack on. He gazed at the person who had opened the door it wasn't Blair. Annabelle began rushing down the steps to meet him; suddenly aware he lifted her to sit on his side. He walked up the steps. "Is Blair around?" He asked. The nanny shook her head.

"She's working," she said icily and with that she closed the door. Nate was confused. It was 10pm in Europe, what was Blair up to? She couldn't possibly still be working. He smiled at Annabelle who wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her the new route to his apartment.

It was Annabelle's nanny who collected her from Nate's on the following Sunday, because again, Blair was working. The next week was the same story and the next and the next. So it went on until Nate realised it was February and he hadn't seen Blair since Christmas. He wasn't quite sure what was going on with her, she was being so distant and mysterious but not that she was trying to be, she didn't want to be mysterious, she seemed to want to be invisible. Annabelle talked about her a lot, although it rarely made sense, he wondered if she rambled on about him to Blair. Then he realised this was what it must be like for all the families where the parents aren't together, they only see each other when they have to and right now they didn't have to see each other, although he wanted to see her.

It was Wednesday, Dan was in town for two days and he'd called Nate and asked Nate to have dinner with him at Gobo on 81st and 3rd Avenue. Nate made his way uptown in a cab from his office in Midtown. He went into the restaurant, his favourite thing about Gobo was that it was vegetarian, but didn't smell like wheatgrass. He didn't like wheatgrass. "Um hey, table for Humphrey?" He asked the waiter, glancing around the restaurant.

"The rest of your group is already here," the server said nodding in the direction of a table with four people already at it. Nate gulped, Dan had implied it would just be them. Serena, Blair and Annabelle also sat at the table, he didn't think they'd seen him yet, he could probably still make it out of the door, but then Annabelle, who was cuddled against Blair, who had her back to him, caught sight of him and waved excitedly, wriggling out of Blair's arms and running towards him, narrowly avoiding being run over by waiter. She hugged his leg tight as he tried to bend down and lift her up.

"Hey," he smiled and kissed her as she giggled hugging him back. As usual she was immaculately dressed, this time in a violet dress adorned with sequins with matching ballet flats and headband. He slid into the only vacant seat at their table opposite Serena and next to Blair. Annabelle shuffled away from him and back on to Blair's lap.

"Nate, fancy seeing you here!" Serena said in mock surprise.

"Kind of like Dan turning up? Hu, Serena?" Blair said rolling her eyes, she hadn't acknowledged Nate's presence.

"It's nice to see you too Blair," Dan said rolling his eyes at her.

"Don't push it," she retorted. Nate laughed awkwardly.

"This is so weird Nate, I asked Blair and Annabelle to come here with me and then I get here and I find Dan sitting with Blair and Annabelle, because by some huge coincidence Dan had asked you here and they got confused as there were two bookings under Humphrey and just thought they were together!" Serena smiled flashing her flashiest Californian smile. Nate raised his eyebrows.

"Coincidence indeed." Dan smirked. It was safe to say Nate had never felt more awkward in his entire life. Blair still hadn't looked at him. Maybe she was angry, she didn't much like surprises, unless they were semi-vindictive and she was initiating them.

Annabelle, Dan and Serena dominated much of the conversation, Nate smiled and meekly joined in, Annabelle chatted, happy to have a larger audience than normal. Blair sat icy still, her arms soft tan arms around Annabelle. Maybe she didn't want to move for fear she brushed against him. The waiter took their order and after a while Blair seemed to relax and join in to make her usual witty comments.

"So how was Christmas?" Dan asked gulping a mouthful of wine. Blair immediately clammed up again, but Annabelle delivered the much needed distraction and began rambling about Dora the Explorer, dolls' houses and leap pads. Blair glanced at Nate for the first time all night, he caught her gaze and Serena saw the weak smile that passed between them for a fraction of a second before Blair turned back to readjust Annabelle on her lap.

Half way through the main course Blair felt something brush against her leg and stay there, touching her. She didn't move, instead she brushed her leg against his. Both of them silently apologizing for Christmas. Just then her phone began to ring in her bag. She excused herself and went outside to take the call. Nate watched her go. "I can't believe you did this," Nate muttered in disbelief pulling Annabelle onto his lap. She turned and snuggled into his shirt, her eyes were red and she was getting fidgety, she began to fuss as he held her against him, but she quickly quietened.

"Did what?" Serena asked innocently arching her eyebrows for a split second. Nate rolled his eyes and Dan smirked goofily. "I saw you guys smiling b-t-w," Serena smiled her navy blue eyes shining brightly.

"This was really not a good idea," Nate mumbled.

"I think it was," Serena yawned casually. Just then Blair slid back into her seat, smiling weakly at the table she stroked Annabelle's sleeping head, which was resting against Nate's chest. Serena fixed her with a pensive look and Blair blinked at her and pulled her hand back quickly. Serena turned away smiling to herself.

At the end of the night Serena, Dan, Blair and Nate, who was holding a sleeping Annabelle, all stood on the corner of 3rd Avenue.

"I'm freezing!" Serena whined, tugging at Dan's arm as she hailed a cab. The cab pulled up beside the group, "you guys can get the first one." Blair stared at Serena. Nate looked at Blair, she looked pissed at the idea. His heart sank.

"I'll just walk," Nate said making to pass Annabelle to Blair. But Serena wasn't giving up without a fight, she leaned into the cab drivers window. "Hey, can you take them to 80th between Park and Madison? But like go a really long way," she smiled her charming smile. The cab driver nodded, stunned by her beauty, as Serena handed him a fifty and opened the door pushing a glowering Blair in. Nate passed Blair Annabelle's limp form and climbed in after her.

Blair held Annabelle to her, Nate smiled at them, they always looked so cute, the way their hair was the same tone, all mixed together and how Annabelle clung to her for dear life. Blair smiled back, he caught her eye and gazed entranced for a short moment, then he giggled foolishly. "I haven't seen you in ages," Nate said trying to break the ice.

"I've been busy with fashion week coming up," Blair said gazing out of the window, her chin resting on Annabelle's head as they hurtled down town.

"Oh," Nate said, so she had actually been busy? It wasn't just hatred keeping her away. They sat in silence for a few moments. "Blair?" She turned. "I really am sorry about Christmas." Blair blinked.

"Don't be," she said phlegmatically. Nate watched her gaze out of the window.

"Blair can we talk?" She turned to him and as she nodded a tear trickled down her face, he turned to the driver, "Can you just take us to east 80th please?" Finally.

56 East 80th was everything he'd imagined. Although they'd made up fantasies of living in it neither had ever actually been inside, until Blair moved in. It was perfect. It wasn't traditional, but it wasn't modern. It was just, sophisticatedly timeless, like Blair. It was much more beautiful than he'd imagined. He watched as Blair tucked Annabelle under the large comforter and kissed her sleeping forehead, leaving the night light on and the door slightly a jar. Nate smiled as she left the room, she didn't quite meet his eyes. "We should talk," He said lamely. She nodded. She led him down one flight of stairs to the sitting room, where she curled up in the corner of a chaise and he sat awkwardly on the opposing end of the chaise. She wasn't sure exactly what Nate wanted to talk about, but she knew it was probably going to end up an argument.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" She asked staring at her toenails, they were painted fire-engine red.

"Us." Nate said, gazing at her. "Us?" Blair repeated raising her eyebrows. "we're not us anymore."

"But… at Christmas," Nate said.

"Just forget about it." Blair instructed, she was trying to, why couldn't he?

"I can't," he paused, "Blair just tell me, was it the biggest mistake of your life?" Blair thought. Was it the biggest mistake of her life? No. It hadn't been a mistake. She'd wanted to and she'd enjoyed it. She shook her head and looked imploringly at Nate, as if begging him to say it wasn't his biggest mistake. He smiled at her. Blair shook her head again.

"It wasn't a mistake, well yes it was. But it was a good mistake." She said distantly.

"Like Belle," Nate grinned. Blair hit him with a cushion and tried to look as if she was mad, but she grinned too. He took her hands. "I'm sorry, B, I should have… have told you all this sooner." Blair blinked, once again she wasn't quite sure what he was apologizing for. "I meant every word I said that night." He said seriously gazing into her eyes.

"Me too."

"Then why did you- you know, tell me to leave?"

"I don't know." Blair sat in silence. "I was scared."

"Of me?" Nate asked imploringly gazing her in the eyes. "I know I screw things up," he paused, she didn't look at him, "a lot, but I can make it work now. I promise." Blair shook her head.

"It's working. Don't fix what's not broken."

"Blair, it is broken! I love you! And I miss you and your just…"

"Being realistic?" Blair suggested. Nate looked at her sadly, was this really how little she trusted him? Had he really treated her this badly? Deep down Nate knew the answer; he had been a complete asshole.

"Just tell me honestly that no part of you wants to give us a second chance," Nate said, still holding her hands in his. She didn't pull away. She stared into his emerald green eyes, he saw the pain tearing at her heart, but she didn't say a word as she let her eyes fall and shook her head. "Please Blair, give me one more chance," he begged, tilting her chin up. Her eyes were watering, she looked lost and confused.

"Let's start over, from the beginning," Blair whispered, unsure of what she was saying. Nate grinned and kissed her forehead.

"Hi, I'm Nate," He grinned cockily extending his hand. Blair laughed the tears spilling from her cheeks, but she wiped them away smiling.

"Hi," she smiled shaking his hand. He got to his feet without kissing her, although he really wanted to and left the room. She watched him go, when he reached to door he turned back and smiled at her, desperately wanting to fast forward past 'the beginning' to how they used to be.

"Can I call you?" He smiled, knowing she would say yes. She smiled and nodded, he grinned happily and left as another tear rolled down her cheek.

**A/N: Please Review! I love Reviews more than anything! (except the fact that BN are supposed to be getting back together on-screen!)**


	10. Out of My League

**A/N: OK, it's fashion week woo! So this is just Chapter 10. :) I'd like to thank everyone that has been reviewing and reading it means a lot; please continue to review. 3 **

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Nate fought the urge to call Blair as he walked down the front steps and headed home. He knew they weren't back on terms that well yet, but soon, maybe very soon they would be and he'd be able to call her whenever he liked.

Thursday flew by and before he knew it it was 4pm on Friday. He wasn't quite sure what to say when he rang the intercom system and it was Blair's voice that answered. He was stunned into silence for a few moments, "Uh, hey, it's me," he'd said awkwardly. She hadn't said anything she'd just buzzed him in. Nate felt butterflies in his stomach, something had changed about Blair she somehow looked softer and more delicate than usual. Annabelle was on her hip as she came down the main stairwell, balancing Belle and her overnight bag.

"Daddy!" Belle squealed wriggling away from Blair and running to him and wrapping her arms around his leg. Blair smiled down at her as she passed Nate her overnight bag and he slung it over his shoulder.

"I know it's your weekend, but I sort of promised she could come to the fashion show on Sunday," Blair began and Nate smiled, "you can come too," she added. Nate nodded.

"Yeah sure, it sounds fun," he smiled, although it didn't sound fun, it sounded like one of those fashion shows where the lights flashed and he got totally disorientated and kind of creped out by the emaciated girls plastered in make-up strutting about. She held out an envelope which he took.

"The details are in there," she added bending down and tickling Belle's sides making her turn around and kissing her lightly and letting the little girl wrap her arms around her neck. "Bye bye Mommy."

"Bye bye Belle," she said hugging her back and then lifting her into the stroller waiting by the door, Nate watched slightly awkwardly as Blair strapped her in. Belle was so much like her it was scary and she gazed up at her in complete adoration trying to emulate everything about her despite her young age. Nate pushed the stroller out of the door and as he turned to say bye, she kissed him. She kissed him on the cheek and smiled foolishly. He smiled back broadly, but she turned and closed the door. He stood for a moment unsure of what had just happened but he kept smiling. Blair had kissed him.

Sunday always seemed to come all too fast for Nate, but this week Saturday seemed to drag by and Sunday seemed an eternity away. He woke up early on Sunday, too early, Annabelle usually came to wake him up, but even she was still asleep when he went to check. He returned to his room and opened his closet, god, what was he going to wear? Shit. He ran his hand along the endless rail of shirts from Brooks Brother's, Pink, Ralph Lauren and various other stores which his mother had been shopping in for him since he was a kid. And as for his pants there weren't many options. He sighed as he pulled out a navy pair and fingered his shirt's in the hope a Blair-approved one would jump out at him. It didn't. He pulled his pants on resignedly and then he remembered something.

He'd hidden it in her closet, along with various other bad memories, when she'd left. He opened the closet door on the opposite side of the room and walked in, it was much bigger and somehow brighter. He laughed at the number of ballet flats that had been left behind, and he pulled open the top drawer, sure enough their lay three small velvet boxes, Blair's engagement ring in one and their would-have-been-wedding bands in the other two, underneath the small boxes lay neatly folded, his green cashmere sweater. He lifted it from its placing and unfolded it. It smelt musty as if it had been in a drawer for a very long time… He pulled a soft green shirt on and yanked the sweater over his head. He was sure this shade of green had probably gone out so long ago it wouldn't be long until it was back in, but he didn't care, and he hoped Blair wouldn't either.

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Nate wandered into the tent hand in hand with Annabelle, unhindered by security, Blair seemed oddly calm running through a list on a clip board. There were interns and assistants running madly around organising last minute seating changes, ordering the models and putting the finishing touches to the designs. Annabelle let go of his hand and ran to Blair and held onto her leg tightly. Nate sidled over after her and grinned at Blair who smiled back as she hoisted Annabelle to her hip. "Hey," Blair smiled, "glad you came." Nate smiled, nodding at Annabelle.

"I don't think she'd have forgiven me if we'd missed it, she's been talking about it all weekend." Blair smiled some what mischievously.

"You can sit in the front row if you like, or watch from back here," Blair offered. Nate thought for a moment, backstage with Blair, or out there in front of all the flashing lights and stick thin society girls?

"Is it OK if I just hang out back here?" He asked shoving his hands in his pockets. Blair smiled and nodded.

"I need to sort some stuff, but I'll come find you later OK?" She said without waiting for an answer before turning on her heel and then she stopped and faced him, "I like your sweater," she added before strutting away.

Nate stood watching as Blair and Annabelle bobbed away. Eleanor had spotted him, but he didn't see her as she approached from behind. "Please do yourself a favour," Eleanor sighed standing by his left shoulder, "don't waste your time." Nate turned to her and looked confused. "Oh come on, I saw you looking at my daughter," Nate starred at Eleanor in bewilderment. "Just so you know if I had my way you wouldn't even get to see my granddaughter." Nate was stung, he'd always liked Mrs Waldorf, but now she seemed to feel more animosity towards him than Blair felt towards her.

"Ms Waldorf, I don't-"

"Don't play dumb Nate, just stay away from my daughter, you've broken her heart enough, she was doing fine without you, Leo was all she needed; he could look after them."

"Who's Leo?" Nate asked in confusion.

Eleanor scoffed. "Someone who has been a much better father to Annabelle than you; someone who actually knows my granddaughter."

"I love Annabelle and as much as you don't want to hear it I love your daughter too, I know I made a mess, but we're trying to fix it." Nate said coolly. Eleanor didn't say anything but turned and saw Alessia standing with the list.

"Who put this fool on the list?" Eleanor demanded.

"Blair did, he arrived with Annabelle."

"Get him out of here, I don't want him at my show." Nate stared barely able to believe his ears as Eleanor gave the command in a small voice.

"Ms Waldorf, please, I've not don-"

"You've not done anything?" Eleanor snapped. "Then how come you broke my daughter's heart time and time again? How come according to Harold you stayed the night at Christmas? And you think you can just waltz into Annabelle's life and everything is forgiven?" Eleanor was furious. "You can't Nate, get out." She said in a small voice, "go."

So Nate went, defeated. He walked back uptown from Bryant Park. Maybe he was forever destined to be the guy that couldn't commit. But hadn't he proven how willing he was? He'd changed everything to accommodate Annabelle, but nothing was ever enough for Eleanor Waldorf. He pulled out his cell phone as he approached 49th Street, it was a long way home, but it was better than trying to hail a cab during fashion week. He flicked through his contacts, there under S. He hit call and listened to the dialling tone.

"Hey?"

"Hey Serena."

"Hey Nate, where are you?"

"49th Street." He replied despondently.

"What? Blair's looking for you! Get back here now!" Serena demanded.

"I can't, Eleanor chucked me out." Serena didn't reply so Nate continued. "She wants me and Blair to stay apart," he paused, "and she doesn't want me involved with Annabelle." Nate's voice shook uncharacteristically.

"Natie," Serena began softly, "don't listen to her. I'm going to fix this. Um… I don't know, um… meet me at the plaza at like 9pm? OK?" Serena sounded forceful and angry.

"OK, but S, please, Eleanor's right," Nate sighed resigning himself.

"Nate, after twenty six years, I would have thought you would have realised Eleanor never has Blair's best interests at heart. She's wrong." Serena hung up and Nate felt even more discouraged. Eleanor _was_ right, just like his dad had always been; Blair was too good for him. He and Serena were more matched. Neither had ever achieved much or done anything note worthy. Blair was so totally out of his league. He and Serena just got everything by chance. He kept walking towards his apartment, he had a good hour and a half before he was meeting Serena, he wanted to get out of this sweater, he felt wrong wearing it now. Despite what Blair had said; he felt like all this stuff was holding him back and he should have moved on three years ago.

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"What?" Blair demanded in disbelief. "She said what to him!" Blair was furious and Annabelle clung tightly to her leg, terrified that something dreadful had happened. Blair absent mindedly stroked her hair out of habit to reassure her. Serena had decided to wait until after the show to tell Blair where Nate was. After all it gave time for all the curling tongs to cool down so Serena could be sure she was safe.

"I'm fixing it. We need to skip the after party, come on," Serena pulled her wrist and led her towards the tent's exit.

They hailed one of the few cabs in the city that hadn't been possessed for fashion week and rode uptown to the Plaza. Annabelle lay asleep in Blair's arms as they arrived. "I'll put her to bed," Serena said taking Annabelle from Blair as Blair gracefully stepped out of the cab and passed her the spare key and smiled weakly.

"Thanks so much for this S," Blair said sincerely looking her best friend in the eye.

"It's OK, it's the least I could do," Serena beamed at her best friend, "now go and tell him everything!" Serena urged giggling as Blair closed the cab door and the cab drove away.

Blair stood on the sidewalk the cold February air swirling around her ankles. She looked up at the hotel. Nate was in there right now, sitting alone at the bar, it was ten past nine, he probably thought she wasn't coming. She didn't know what to do, she stood on the sidewalk a while longer hugging her arms from the chill in the air.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading please review, whether you think it was good or bad. I like any kind of review.**


	11. Forever

Nate sat alone at the bar he'd already done two vodka shots and then he'd stopped realising he would barely be able to string two words together when Serena got here if he kept going. Just then he saw a group of girls, they were giggling and looking in his direction. He smiled cockily at them, one caught his eye; she was standing on the edge of the group, she was pretty and looking straight at him; she smiled back shyly. He grinned. He glanced at his Rolex, it was twenty past, where the fuck was Serena? He pulled out his phone and began texting her. Just as he hit send someone tapped his shoulder, he looked up, it was one of the girls. "Hey," she smiled. Nate smiled back politely.

"Uh, this is my friend's number," she proclaimed holding out a receipt with the name Jessica and a cell phone number on it. Nate glanced over at the girls the shy one was now in the middle of the circle glancing over, her cheeks red with embarrassment. Nate smiled back at the girl.

"Does she want mine?" He asked dumbly tearing the receipt in two and scrawling his name on the other half with his number. The messenger girl smiled and took it from him.

"Thanks Nate," she smiled reading from the paper.

She glided back across the room to her friends and triumphantly handed Jessica the number. Jessica looked as if she was about to pass out from embarrassment. Nate grinned at Jessica and then he saw _her_ standing in the doorway. His heart stopped as he saw the look on her face. She stared at him, hand on hip, in utter disbelief. He felt the feeling he felt all those years ago rise within him, this was why he'd given up flirting. He always knew if he flirted Blair would be the first to know about it and after a three year flirting fast he'd caved and he was right, she'd found out. "Blair!" he shouted as loud as he could as she made to turn and leave. He raced across the bar as it fell silent. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to face him.

"I hate you," she said quietly. "You said we'd started again!" She shouted tears angrily running down her cheeks. The girls were looking over from their cluster of seats; they'd fallen silent. Blair didn't give a fuck. "My Mom was right! You can fucking forget any chance of us ever again!" Blair screamed at him. The whole bar was silently entranced by the scene unfolding by the door. She regained her breath, her tears easing. "I promised this wouldn't happen and again you've just-" she faltered trying to stop her voice going squeaky with tears.

"Blair please-" Nate pleaded.

"No! Get out of my life! This is exactly why we didn't want you in the first place!" Blair turned and headed back towards the foyer.

"Blair!" Nate called and went after her.

"I came here to tell you my Mom was wrong and I trusted you!" Blair yelled at him. "but maybe she was right," she said quietly.

"Blair it's not-"

"not what I think? Then what was it Nate?" Nate paused and looked at his feet awkwardly.

"I- I don't know what I was doing," just as he said it Jessica arrived in the foyer. Blair looked at her in disgust.

"I- I," the girl stuttered. Blair wasn't looking at her anymore. "I'm sorry, I- I didn't know."

"It doesn't matter," Blair said coolly. "You can have him. But don't say I didn't warn you." Blair turned and pushed past Chuck Bass as he came through the door with his latest conquest.

"What's up with Waldorf?" He asked raising his eyes at Nate. Nate shook his head at Chuck.

"Just do me a favour and don't sleep with her OK?" Nate said angrily running his fingers' through his man-bangs, Chuck rolled his eyes.

"Dear Nathaniel, that little game of Butterfly and Fledermaus ended several years ago."

"Whatever," Nate said turning from Chuck. Jessica was still standing there. He smiled at her, she'd been really good to stand up to Blair for him, although Blair had been an unknown quantity to her. "Thanks for that," he said. She smiled back.

"It's OK, and I really am sorry if I got you in trouble." Nate nodded.

"I need to make a call," Nate told her pulling out his cell phone and flipping to Serena's number.

"Hey Serena?"

"Hey, how'd it go?"

"I've totally screwed it."

"What. Did. You. Do?"

"Serena, she doesn't want me to see Belle anymore," Nate pleaded avoiding the question.

"What did you do?" Serena repeated.

"I-I gave some girl my number," Nate looked at Jessica apologetically.

"Get round her right now and fix this!" Serena demanded mockingly. Nate hung up.

He turned to Jessica, "I'm really sorry about all this, but I need to fix it." Jessica nodded and handed him the crumpled piece of paper.

"See you around."

"Yeah," Nate grinned and left the hotel. He ran towards Blair's townhouse, desperate to fix this mess. He caught a glimpse of Blair on Madison at 64th and he ran along 63rd and up Park, desperate to get there before her and he made it.

He was out of breath and panting slightly as he sat on the steps outside waiting for her. Several minutes later she turned around the corner of East 80th from Madison. Her face was tear stained and she looked so young and innocent, just like Annabelle. Nate stood up from the steps and watched as she approached. He wasn't sure if she'd seen him,, but as she got closer he watched as she edged towards the building side of the side walk and tried to avoid him but as she reached him he stretched out and took her hands. To his surprise she didn't pull them away or try to resist. They stood for a long moment holding hands in the middle of the sidewalk, cabs flew by and an elderly couple skirted around them, but still neither moved and their eyes remained locked together. Then without warning Blair hugged Nate tight. Taken aback he stroked her head tenderly. "I didn't mean it," she sobbed, but he didn't hear what she said, he just stroked her hair thinking this was closure, in the middle of East 80th in front of the house they'd dreamed of for years and he was pretty sure she would be boarding a plane tomorrow with his daughter and he'd probably never see her again. He tried to pull away, but her little body was pressed to his and she wasn't going anywhere. He marvelled at how he towered over her and kissed the top of her head lovingly. "Please," he heard the word, but what did she want?

"Blair?" he whispered rubbing his head on hers.

"Forgive me," she wept quietly. Nate broke their hug and kissed her lips long and reassuringly. As the kiss ended she looked up into his sea green eyes. "Let's fix this." Nate nodded. "My Mom was wrong. You came after me," Blair smiled a small smile at the thought that he really needed her.

"I won't lose you again, I promise." Blair nodded in response. "Let's do it right this time," Nate added, "Blair be my girlfriend?" Blair nodded and draped her arm over his shoulder as he wrapped his around her waist and led her inside.

Serena ran to the foyer when she heard the door open. "Nate!" She demanded and then she saw them wrapped up in each others' arms. "Oh," she said quietly.

"This is my girlfriend," Nate joked indicating Blair, who looked perfect to him despite her red eyes and nose. Blair smiled weakly at Serena, who smiled back encouragingly.

"Well I'm, like, going to go now, and, like, speak later, OK? Bye." Serena said all of this is one breath and darted out of the door before Nate and Blair could break up.

Nate smiled at Blair. "Shall I call you?" He asked. "I think Serena might baby-sit for us," Blair smiled and nodded. She didn't really know what to say, she just didn't want him to go.

"This is official?" Blair asked. Nate nodded.

"We're together. And I'm not going to-"

"No you're not," Blair kissed his lips and he smiled down at her and her gleaming eyes shone back up. He combed her hair behind her ears and let his hand linger on he neck.

"Goodnight sweetheart," he smiled and left her in the foyer.

_Another day  
Without your smile  
Another day just passes by  
But now I know  
How much it means  
For you to stay  
Right here with me  
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger  
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer  
I wanna grow old with you  
I wanna die lying in your arms  
I wanna grow old with you  
I wanna be looking in your eyes  
I wanna be there for you  
Sharing everything you do  
I wanna grow old with you _

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**A/N: Pleeeeeease review. xoxo.**


	12. Always Have Always Will

**A/N****: OK I'm a horrible updater but I lost the final chapter to this story. It's more of an epilogue than an actual chapter and I'd like to apologize to everyone who I PM'd to say that the story was complete. I was reluctant to re-write this chapter as I knew I had a good version of it somewhere so I decided the story was better off ending on chapter 11 than on a re-write. But I hate reading a story which hasn't been rounded off properly therefore I found this in amongst the millions of files cluttering my documents.**

**So this is just a short end to a story that seems to have dragged on forever because of my dreadful updating. Please review! :) **

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Blair couldn't ever remember feeling this nervous as her mother's intern made the final adjustments to her wedding dress. She could see Serena reflected in the mirror with Annabelle sitting in her lap. Annabelle smiled at her and Blair smiled back nervously. What if Nate had gone? What if he'd changed his mind and didn't want to marry her after all? What if they fell out at the altar? What if when he saw Serena with her blonde halo of curls cascading down and around her perfect face he decided he'd rather marry her?

The intern stood up from pinning the final adjustments to the dress and Annabelle slid off Serena's lap. "You look pretty Mommy," she giggled sweetly hugging at her legs.

"You think so?" Blair said quizzically smoothing her perfect dress again and fiddling with the Vanderbilt ring. Annabelle nodded and smiled at her. Blair looked away from the mirror and smiled down at Annabelle and hugged her back. "And you're going to make the best flower girl."

"I know." Annabelle nodded assertively. Serena and Blair laughed and Annabelle looked at them in confusion. "I practiced!."

"We know," Blair stopped laughing and kissed Annabelle lightly but couldn't quite get the smile from her face. Annabelle had been very seriously tearing up paper anywhere they went for months to practice for her flower girl duties and their maid had spent the weeks leading up to the wedding running around the apartment with a vacuum cleaner after Annabelle.

Eleanor swept into the room in her elegant mother-of-the-bride dress. "You look lovely Serena dear, I knew you had to have that dress," Eleanor had taken charge of nearly every aspect of who was wearing what for Blair's wedding. Annabelle however had resisted the tradition of only the bride wearing white and, to Eleanor's distaste, was dressed from headband to ballet flats in white.

"You look beautiful," Eleanor said adjusting Blair's hair. Blair wasn't sure whether to smile or not as Eleanor smoothed out the dress which Blair had just smoothed moments before. Eleanor hugged her briefly; "I think we're just about ready to start." She looked at her daughter musingly.

"Annabelle darling," Blair said turning, "why don't you go see if daddy's ready to start." Annabelle took her job seriously and scurried from the room.

"I should go and check on all of the guests. You're father's late as usual," Eleanor sighed and left the room.

Blair sat next to Serena on the chaise. "Are you nervous?" Blair shrugged. "It will be perfect. I promise." Serena hugged her best friend.

"I can't really believe that it's going to happen."

"I always knew it would be you two," Serena smiled childishly. "You always end up together in the end."

"So this is really the end?" Blair sighed. "I never thought getting married would feel so final."

"Of course it's not; you've still got all the hassle of being married and probably more kids and then Annabelle will be a teenager and you'll have to go through hell," Serena joked. "Although none of her friends will ever quite live up to my reputation."

"Don't even joke about it S," Blair rolled her eyes.

"Hey there's a thought! Why don't you tell Annabelle about Gossip Girl! She could start it again and then we'd actually know who was behind it for once!"

"Serena; I'm leaving her with you for two weeks and when Nate and I get back I do not want her transformed into a miniature gossip-whore." Blair said sternly and Serena grinned cheekily.

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Annabelle sat exhaustedly in Blair's lap huddled against her as the wedding dinner drew to a close. It wasn't late but Annabelle had been energetically dousing everyone is rose petals since the opening bars of the wedding march. Blair ran her fingers through her hair as she dosed sleepily. "Hey," Nate touched Blair's arm and she turned to face him, completely forgetting Annabelle. "May I have the first dance?" Blair smiled giddily.

"Of course you may," Blair grinned girlishly and turned to return Annabelle to her own seat. The perfect little flower girl was too exhausted to even whine as Blair and Nate got to their feet.

Blair could feel every pair of eyes on them as Nate led her to the centre of the dance floor. The music started up in a waltz tempo and Nate took her in his arms. Nate was an Upper East Side boy and knew his dance steps perfectly and spun her around the floor as if it was air.

Slowly more people trickled onto the dance floor and the night ticked on and soon their wedding day was nearly over. Blair let her fingers fiddle with the hair on the back of his neck; twirling it softly while fingering the collar of his dress shirt. A few feet away Annabelle had recovered some of her energy and was taking it upon herself to teach Nate's cousin Tripp's son, Nevan, how to waltz. Blair smiled at them as Annabelle tried to make him lift his head instead of looking at his feet. Nate followed her line of sight to watch the toddlers struggling to be quite as effortless as everyone else in the room.

"That's sweet," Nate smiled and Blair nodded. "I love you Blair Archibald," he whispered and she knew this was the happiest she was ever going to feel as they swayed in time to the music.

"I love you too; always have, always will." Nate smiled at her and lent in to kiss her again. Blair rested her head against his chest and he held her tighter.

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**A/N****: I hope you've enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please check out my other stories and also my profile page where you can get links to the outfits for Blair, Serena and Annabelle in this chapter. Also PLEASE REVIEW! (good or bad) It's the last chapter… why not? **


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